she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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