he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Randomize
