I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
