Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
