she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
