Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
