I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
