I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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