I just pynch a tree in the face
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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