You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
