stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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