just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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