So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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