Your face is a jimmy john
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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