Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
