The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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