Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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