My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
