just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
