Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We got so high we made milksteak
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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