i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
