I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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