I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
