I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
