Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
