Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
