the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
