got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
