i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
