apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
