it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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