plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
