I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
