I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
