Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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