haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
