I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
