you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
