Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
