anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
