I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
