I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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