You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
