Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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