I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
