So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
