You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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