remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
