Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
