I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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