I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
