it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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