I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
