I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
